the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
