Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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