Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
