just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
