Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
