Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
