NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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