I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
