I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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