Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This house was built for laser tag.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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