I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
