Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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