the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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