tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
