Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So squirting runs in the family.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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