yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
