You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
