I skipped work to stalk him.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
