Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I AM VODKA MAN
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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