but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
