I think i peed on brittanys purse
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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