Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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