So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We need to feng shui this bitch.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
