At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
