Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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