Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
