Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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