yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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