I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
