He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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