Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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