I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
