Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
