if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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