Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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