laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
