is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
