Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're a waste of cheezeits
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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