Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
