Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Boobs are out for the taking
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
