I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
