I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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