I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
