i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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