Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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