just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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