By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
