I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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