i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Randomize
