it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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