she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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