I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
